Hanging out with Brian Winchester!
If you have pictures of you or your friends hanging out with Brian Winchester, we'd love to see them!
When there was only one set of footprints, it was Brian Winchester who carried you.
Brian Winchester is a great man.
Some would say THE GREATEST,
and they would be right.
He doesn't ask for praise or adoration in return.
No, he simply requests your devotion and loyalty.
Brian Winchester will not judge you for your failures.
He will reward your accomplishments with support and love.
Brian Winchester may not know every single person in China, but they know him.
They love him.
You should love Brian Winchester.
Brian Winchester has never lost a competition he has competed in.
You should admire him for that.
Brian Winchester doesn't care about saving a bunch of money on his car insurance.
He only cares about you.
You little monkey.
Show Brian Winchester the love he deserves.
Some would say THE GREATEST,
and they would be right.
He doesn't ask for praise or adoration in return.
No, he simply requests your devotion and loyalty.
Brian Winchester will not judge you for your failures.
He will reward your accomplishments with support and love.
Brian Winchester may not know every single person in China, but they know him.
They love him.
You should love Brian Winchester.
Brian Winchester has never lost a competition he has competed in.
You should admire him for that.
Brian Winchester doesn't care about saving a bunch of money on his car insurance.
He only cares about you.
You little monkey.
Show Brian Winchester the love he deserves.
There's a name for manliness, and it's Brian Winchester.
“Good evening. How are you today? Do you come here often? I don’t either. Can I buy you a drink? No, I’m not going to put a roofie in it! Come on just one drink! You’re not even that pretty! Fine! Leave! See if I care!!! Please don’t leave, I love you!!!!”
That’s usually how any conversation I have with a female ends. Sometimes the exact wording is different, but it always ends with me drinking and sobbing uncontrollably.
Luckily I’ve grown such a tolerance to pepper spray and mace that it rarely even knocks me off my barstool, and almost every time I get tasered I can play it off like I’m doing some sick dance moves!
But lately I’ve grown tired of the same old routine. It was a circle of depression that was spiraling out of control!I contemplated getting some highlights in my hair, popping my collar and going to the salon to get a sweet tan with my frat brothers, but then it dawned on me that I was depressed and not gay, so I had to come up with a new idea. A better idea! That’s exactly when the best idea ever hit me like a drunken stepfather!
I would seek the wisdom and knowledge of scoring with women from the original Casanova! Brian Winchester!
I knew that once Brian taught me the ways of the women, I would soon be up to my ears in beautiful women, and I couldn’t wait! I called him right away, but his phone was busy! Probably because he was talking to hot supermodels! So I decided to drive over there, and beg for his help! Brian Winchester was so generous that he quickly decided to help me out after only 4 hours of crying and begging (I had brought a sleeping bag in case it took all night. That’s dedication!) and soon he was sharing the wealth of tips and moves that I had been lacking! I haven’t had the chance to try out my new persona, but I’d like to share some of the more important skills and moves that Brian taught me, so that maybe you can be popular with the ladies as well! Just don’t try to be popular with the ladies that I’m trying to be popular with, because there’s plenty of fish in the sea, and these fish are mine!
The first tip I learned is not to refer to ladies as fishes. I know Tina sounds like tuna, and it can make an awesome joke, but women don’t get jokes, so don’t even bother. Never try to be funny around women, because they hate laughing. No shirt, no shoes, no women! I like to drink, and nothing goes better with getting really drunk than getting really comfortable! Which usually means I’ll take my shirt off because it’s hot, and usually it’s covered with spaghetti sauce anyway. I thought this was a good idea, but Brian Winchester showed me the error in my logic. Women hate it when you take your shirt off in nice restaurants because they want to wait and be surprised in the bedroom! It’s like a Christmas gift they’ve been waiting for, and taking your shirt off before dessert arrives kills the surprise of their hairy gift!
This third tip is very important. Whenever you offer to buy a woman a drink, don’t pretend that you forgot your wallet and try to get her to buy the drinks instead. If you’re like me, you’ve made this mistake a lot! I always thought it was gentlemanly because you’re showing the broad that you consider her to be an equal, and not inferior like some misogynistic men do. It shows that you consider her to be on the same level, and that maybe one day she can have the right to vote…. If she learns to read and write.
This is just a sample of the knowledge Brian Winchester bestowed upon me. I would share more but then you might have a slight edge on me because I haven’t learned proper grooming and hygiene techniques. That class doesn’t start til Tuesday. But maybe once I get rid of this unibrow, we can meet again and trade tips with each other! Unless I’m too busy with the ladies if you know what I mean!!
That’s usually how any conversation I have with a female ends. Sometimes the exact wording is different, but it always ends with me drinking and sobbing uncontrollably.
Luckily I’ve grown such a tolerance to pepper spray and mace that it rarely even knocks me off my barstool, and almost every time I get tasered I can play it off like I’m doing some sick dance moves!
But lately I’ve grown tired of the same old routine. It was a circle of depression that was spiraling out of control!I contemplated getting some highlights in my hair, popping my collar and going to the salon to get a sweet tan with my frat brothers, but then it dawned on me that I was depressed and not gay, so I had to come up with a new idea. A better idea! That’s exactly when the best idea ever hit me like a drunken stepfather!
I would seek the wisdom and knowledge of scoring with women from the original Casanova! Brian Winchester!
I knew that once Brian taught me the ways of the women, I would soon be up to my ears in beautiful women, and I couldn’t wait! I called him right away, but his phone was busy! Probably because he was talking to hot supermodels! So I decided to drive over there, and beg for his help! Brian Winchester was so generous that he quickly decided to help me out after only 4 hours of crying and begging (I had brought a sleeping bag in case it took all night. That’s dedication!) and soon he was sharing the wealth of tips and moves that I had been lacking! I haven’t had the chance to try out my new persona, but I’d like to share some of the more important skills and moves that Brian taught me, so that maybe you can be popular with the ladies as well! Just don’t try to be popular with the ladies that I’m trying to be popular with, because there’s plenty of fish in the sea, and these fish are mine!
The first tip I learned is not to refer to ladies as fishes. I know Tina sounds like tuna, and it can make an awesome joke, but women don’t get jokes, so don’t even bother. Never try to be funny around women, because they hate laughing. No shirt, no shoes, no women! I like to drink, and nothing goes better with getting really drunk than getting really comfortable! Which usually means I’ll take my shirt off because it’s hot, and usually it’s covered with spaghetti sauce anyway. I thought this was a good idea, but Brian Winchester showed me the error in my logic. Women hate it when you take your shirt off in nice restaurants because they want to wait and be surprised in the bedroom! It’s like a Christmas gift they’ve been waiting for, and taking your shirt off before dessert arrives kills the surprise of their hairy gift!
This third tip is very important. Whenever you offer to buy a woman a drink, don’t pretend that you forgot your wallet and try to get her to buy the drinks instead. If you’re like me, you’ve made this mistake a lot! I always thought it was gentlemanly because you’re showing the broad that you consider her to be an equal, and not inferior like some misogynistic men do. It shows that you consider her to be on the same level, and that maybe one day she can have the right to vote…. If she learns to read and write.
This is just a sample of the knowledge Brian Winchester bestowed upon me. I would share more but then you might have a slight edge on me because I haven’t learned proper grooming and hygiene techniques. That class doesn’t start til Tuesday. But maybe once I get rid of this unibrow, we can meet again and trade tips with each other! Unless I’m too busy with the ladies if you know what I mean!!
The Best of 2007!
Hello readers and welcome to The Sneaker Critique. In this week’s exciting chapter we focus on the exciting world of sports! Football and baseball may not have much in common, but one thing they both share is the necessity of sneakers! Whether you’re a pro athlete or just a weekend warrior, chances are you have a pair pf sneakers just lying around in your closet right now! Let’s take a look at some of this year’s most popular styles!
Our next sneaker is for the more extreme athletes. They can withstand the wear and tear of the most brutal sports. The constant running of soccer was the test Juan Pablo had in mind when trying these out. “They offer more stability than the milk cartons I’m used to playing in!” said Juan as he took the field. We put the sneakers to the challenge and concluded that these sneakers offered the most durability, however we had to tie them extra tight to keep them from flying off Juan’s little metal foot when he kicked the ball. Overall though, these sneakers were perfect for a day on the field.
We saved the best for last. Out of all the sneakers we tested, these low top trainers surpassed all others with flying colors! They offered comfort, style and performance no matter what the conditions. Whether just lounging around, or walking miles to deliver the Olympic torch, these trainers did it all with ease! The aerodynamic molding and air filled soles create a lightweight sneaker that when combined with lightweight legs make walking a breeze!Well, that wraps it up for this week’s installment of The Sneaker Critique. Make sure to check back next week when we’ll be discussing the latest trends in velcro laces and the death of the pump sneakers. Take care everyone and keep those Nike’s clean!
Our first shoe was tested by active hiker and nature enthusiast, Barry Dunleavy. Barry spent the afternoon hiking the trails in these black cross trainers. The afternoon was hot, but Barry’s feet were mostly cool and dry. “The right one’s a little moist, but the left one is always dry…. ever since my tour in Vietnam,” said 75 year old Dunleavy. Our expert advice is that these sneakers are perfect for the summer time. They can outfit the most active athletes while still being cool and stylish enough to wear to the company picnic!
Our next sneaker is for the more extreme athletes. They can withstand the wear and tear of the most brutal sports. The constant running of soccer was the test Juan Pablo had in mind when trying these out. “They offer more stability than the milk cartons I’m used to playing in!” said Juan as he took the field. We put the sneakers to the challenge and concluded that these sneakers offered the most durability, however we had to tie them extra tight to keep them from flying off Juan’s little metal foot when he kicked the ball. Overall though, these sneakers were perfect for a day on the field.
We saved the best for last. Out of all the sneakers we tested, these low top trainers surpassed all others with flying colors! They offered comfort, style and performance no matter what the conditions. Whether just lounging around, or walking miles to deliver the Olympic torch, these trainers did it all with ease! The aerodynamic molding and air filled soles create a lightweight sneaker that when combined with lightweight legs make walking a breeze!Well, that wraps it up for this week’s installment of The Sneaker Critique. Make sure to check back next week when we’ll be discussing the latest trends in velcro laces and the death of the pump sneakers. Take care everyone and keep those Nike’s clean!
Nappers of the Week!
We here at The Nap Critique are dedicated to supplying you with the trendiest tips in the world of napping. We aim to do this by supplying you with examples of exactly what and what not to do when catching some z's! So let's jump right into this week's installment!
Our first example is fantastic! It is both classic and classy! Crossing the legs is the latest fad to hit Hollywood, and if you can pull off this look it's definitely going to be a summer time staple. There is one fashion faux pas to be found though. Look at all that fabric to the left of the head that is just lying there unused. "Waste not, want not" is all the rage in the world of napping, so that fabric should easily be used as a pillow or even as an absorbent sheet for accidental urine. Let's hope this shabby look doesn't catch on!
Example number 2 comes to us from Paris' Fashion Week. Photographers skipped the runways this year to catch the latest in couture from designers like Shop Rite and Piggly Wiggly. This model at first glance is perfectly pulling off this style, but it wouldn't be much of a critique if we didn't find some tips for you to use. While this might look like the apex of comfort, a simple change in direction could really spruce this nap up! It would supply ample support for your legs with the high back of the cart. Also some crushed beer or soda cans could really bring out some of the more vivrant colors that seem to be understated in this nap.
Our final nap comes from the trend setting capital of the world, New York City. It's simplistic style and artistic look is setting the napping world on fire this Fall. Notice the crossed legs again. The daring model chose a face down angle which really brings out the form of this nap. His execution is near flawless, however lying on his back would be less uncomfortable if his pockets weren't full of knick knacks. Clutter is definitely out. Instead go with more simple ideas, like napping with a pocket full of half eaten pizza. Fun and functional is the name of the game!
Well that brings us to the end of this week's installment. I hope you enjoyed the critique, and are walking away with some helpful and useful tips! Until next time, keep on napping America!
Our first example is fantastic! It is both classic and classy! Crossing the legs is the latest fad to hit Hollywood, and if you can pull off this look it's definitely going to be a summer time staple. There is one fashion faux pas to be found though. Look at all that fabric to the left of the head that is just lying there unused. "Waste not, want not" is all the rage in the world of napping, so that fabric should easily be used as a pillow or even as an absorbent sheet for accidental urine. Let's hope this shabby look doesn't catch on!
Example number 2 comes to us from Paris' Fashion Week. Photographers skipped the runways this year to catch the latest in couture from designers like Shop Rite and Piggly Wiggly. This model at first glance is perfectly pulling off this style, but it wouldn't be much of a critique if we didn't find some tips for you to use. While this might look like the apex of comfort, a simple change in direction could really spruce this nap up! It would supply ample support for your legs with the high back of the cart. Also some crushed beer or soda cans could really bring out some of the more vivrant colors that seem to be understated in this nap.
Our final nap comes from the trend setting capital of the world, New York City. It's simplistic style and artistic look is setting the napping world on fire this Fall. Notice the crossed legs again. The daring model chose a face down angle which really brings out the form of this nap. His execution is near flawless, however lying on his back would be less uncomfortable if his pockets weren't full of knick knacks. Clutter is definitely out. Instead go with more simple ideas, like napping with a pocket full of half eaten pizza. Fun and functional is the name of the game!Well that brings us to the end of this week's installment. I hope you enjoyed the critique, and are walking away with some helpful and useful tips! Until next time, keep on napping America!
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